How To Get The Most Out Of Therapy

You've been thinking about seeing a counselor, or maybe your friends have suggested that you talk to someone. Perhaps you've been seeing the same counselor for a while and you're not sure if you're making progress. Maybe you're nervous about the process, or feeling stuck. What do you do now?

It's important to have a therapist and a setting where you will be comfortable facing your fears. Take a few minutes to consider what will help you with this: Someone with a lot of experience, or someone with fresh perspectives? Someone serious, or more down to earth? Someone who is there more to listen, or someone who will be more direct and challenging with you? Do you feel safer meeting in person or with virtual appointments, or either? Most of all, what do you hope to gain from therapy? Maybe you have no idea how to answer these questions! That's OK too; having an open mind to the experience works just as well.

Here are some tips to have a positive experience when you're new to the process, and if you've been in therapy for a while:

If you're new to therapy (or if you're thinking about getting a new counselor):

If you plan to use insurance to pay for your therapy sessions, start with getting a list from your insurance company for in network providers. It can be quite disappointing to set up an appointment only to find out later they are not in network with your insurance plan.

Next, do your research. You can ask friends, family members, or your doctors for suggestions. If starting from scratch, do a web search for counselors in your area, then check the counselor profiles on websites to get an idea about their training, experience and general therapy style. It might take a little while to find someone who is accepting new clients. Keep looking, and ask if you can get on a wait list. You WILL find someone!

One thing to note: Take online reviews with a grain of salt when choosing a therapist. Many of these are false or misleading. Plus, one person's experience can be very different than another.

Some counselors offer a brief phone consultation before setting up the initial appointment. This is a great opportunity to hear a voice and get a sense of their demeanor to see if you might "click." The call is short and isn't therapy, but you can tell them what you'd like help with, ask questions about scheduling preferences, as well as whether they think they can help you based on what you are looking for.

In your first meeting, your counselor will probably ask a lot of questions to find out more about you. You want to feel heard, understood, and that your concerns are being taken seriously. It's OK to ask questions about the therapist's experience and how they envision working with you.

How do you know if you have the right counselor?

From the first few sessions, you will want to feel like you can be open with your counselor, and that you believe that they are interested in your wellbeing. You will always want to know that your therapist is in your corner as you start to take risks to make the changes that are important to you. You want to know that your counselor will challenge you to make change, but that they won't push you too far, too fast. You also want to know that if you have setbacks, they will not judge or criticize you, and that they will help you get back on track.

If after your first meeting you're not totally sure if it's a good fit, consider meeting with them one or two more times. It can take a few sessions to build rapport and gain some momentum. Tell them where you're feeling stuck and give them a chance to shift their approach. If it still doesn't feel right after two or three sessions, consider seeking another opinion. Counselors do their best to meet everyone's needs, but no one is a perfect match for everybody. If it doesn't feel right the first time, don't let discouragement keep you from trying again with someone who has a different style. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right counselor for you.

How do you know if therapy is working?

Sometimes progress is subtle. Generally speaking, from early on you will know therapy is working if you leave your sessions feeling understood and encouraged. You will probably leave most sessions with new ways of thinking, and considering different ways of approaching things. You might feel better after your sessions, but even if you don't always feel "happy" when you leave, you will feel safe with any uncertainty knowing it's part of the process.

If you've been seeing the same counselor for a while:

You might find that eventually you get to a standstill. Talk to your counselor if you feel this way. There are many reasons this can happen, and your therapist should not take this personally. They are there to help you figure out the next steps, especially if you feel like you have more work to do.

Whether you're new to therapy, or if you've been in and out of counseling for much of your life:

Remember, the work you're signing up to do in therapy is going to be hard sometimes. Your therapist will probably challenge you from time to time, but they are not there to judge you. Being asked to reflect on tough questions can feel like a lot, and you want to get the sense that your counselor is there to support you with whatever you choose to do in your journey. If you feel heard, understood, supported and challenged, and if you look forward to your meetings even though they're hard, you're probably on the right track. If you feel misunderstood, judged, bored, or very stressed about your appointments, it's time to either talk to your counselor about it or seek another opinion.

Most of all, know that your mental health is important, and you deserve to have a positive experience with therapy. Ask questions, advocate for yourself, and give yourself permission to accept help to be your best self and create the journey toward the life you want!