What is "Happy" Anyway?
If you ask people what they want, most will say "I just want to be happy." Parents often reply "I just want my kids to be happy." Great start! But what does this really mean?
Quick: what is the first image that comes to mind when you think of the word "happy?" Smiling faces, laughter, joy, positivity, looking on the bright side. Or maybe having everything you want in life...a healthy partnered relationship, a family who all gets long, a nice house, a reliable or maybe even a fancy car, a satisfying job, plenty of money and lots of friends. Maybe you think of subtle things like being healthy, a good work/life balance, and not too much stress.
The short answer is, everyone defines being happy a little bit differently. Having the things you want helps most people a little bit. Reducing stress helps quite a bit. Having a stable life with strong social and family relationships help a lot. But what about when you've got all of these things and you still don't consider yourself happy?
The thing is, just like there are so many positive aspects to life, no one can feel what we think of as happy all the time. Everyone experiences stress, pain, heartbreak, fear, unfairness, and loss, sometimes severe or prolonged. The good news is that even those who encounter immense challenges can also be "happy."
Here are some differences between those who describe themselves as happy vs. those who see themselves as not happy.
Happy people tend to:
Focus more on what they have than what they don't have.
Live more in the present than in the past or future.
Experience a full range of emotions, even the unpleasant ones, because they know they're temporary.
Practice appreciation and gratitude for all life has to offer; good, bad, and everything in between.
Continually work toward goals, but recognize that change is inevitable, and don't mind adapting to life's twists, turns, and roadblocks.
Have a strong sense of self (who they are, what is important to them, their beliefs and values, their strengths and weaknesses)
Have confidence that they can cope with life's challenges, even when they feel unbearable at the time.
Have a good support network (family, friends, religion or spiritual practices, coworkers, even pets!) that helps keep them grounded in times of pain.
Feel like overall, they have purpose, meaning, and success in life.
Maintain a belief that there is more good than bad, and they have hope that even when things are incredibly hard, they will get better.
To be happier, you can focus on doing more of these things yourself. To raise happy children, you can teach your kids to do the same.
What if you have everything that you want, and still don't feel happy, or if you don't relate to this list of happiness traits?
You may have depression, anxiety, or experienced a trauma that interferes with your ability to be happy. These are real medical conditions that can prevent you from achieving the happiness you have been looking for. These conditions are treatable, and help is available. If you find that you try but cannot will yourself into being happier, it's not your fault. Contact your doctor or a mental health professional about what options may be available so you can unravel what is getting in the way, and free up the space to live the happy life you deserve.
